Making Amends

People who have known me, know that there are many sides to me. I am kind and gentle, quite genuine in my words and actions. I can, and have, absorbed much more than most could handle and done so with more smile than frown. I do however have many sides. I am not the biggest or the baddest but I do have the ability to commit to things well beyond most peoples rational thought. I have had my face punched in and done the same to others. There have been situations in my life when I looked down the barrel of a gun and begged the person at the other end to pull the trigger. At another time in my life I was seconds away from being released from police custody when my wife approached the police asking what was going on and was thrown on her face by them. As the officer reached for my hand cuffs to unlock them, I advised him to please leave them on. He was quite surprised and said I needed to just go back to the party and not give them any reason to come back that night. I again said to please keep me in custody and elaborated that he had just thrown my wife down and if he released me, I would do the same to him. He talked a tough game like many in authority often do, then he tried to reason with me, but the damage had been done. I again told him that me being in hand cuffs was the best place for both of us. I went to jail that night; it was expensive both financially and emotionally, but a much better choice than the alternative. It is in this frame of mind, on these issues that I sometimes reside. There were many people involved in coercing my wife out of my bed and out of our family's home and into the place she is now. Everyone has heard her original story about bad me, so abusive and controlling, however most, at least those without a blood tie, have since realized and accepted the truth. I am a good person who made mistakes, just like everyone else in the world. I was not the sole dealer and often the recipient of the ugliness. I am not proud of the mistakes I've made and wish everyday that I could undo them but I, like the rest of the world cannot. The reason I raise my children alone is because my children's mother is a quitter who was backed and supported by people like her. Fake people with more reputation than true grit, people who are there for the glory but are hard to find in times of need. There were friends of ours who had been to our house that never even talked to me about what was going on. I take my friendships very seriously and someone that would take this stand definitely had another agenda. My wife was a beautiful woman but there are lines that simply are not to be crossed. When our marriage was in trouble, true friends would have helped both of us explore other options, not attempt to explore their own with her. I had decided that I would not pursue any of these people but if the time ever presented itself, I would have a physical discussion with them about it. I had just such an opportunity the other night. I was leaving an event and ran into one of the people who I believe had a negative influence on my marriage. I felt like a cartoon character with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The angel won, I spoke his name, he turned around, and I shook hands with him. We had a quick visit about kids, work, and life in general, and went our separate ways. I am proud of myself and pleased by the outcome. I don't see us becoming close friends but I will chalk him up to another who is able to see the truth. And I am able to accept him and walk away; after all, he never stood in front of a church and made any promises to me.