I'm Back

So it's been a while and we've been busy. The holidays were wonderful!! My kids were at home with me their entire Christmas vacation. There were some moments of unrest just before then, to the point I had given my attorney a $2500 retainer and said " I guess we're gonna fight." My domestic situation bounces around but had never been as bad as it got just prior to the holiday season. I am easy to get along with and will even allow myself to be screwed repeatedly. However, everyone has their limit and I'd reached mine. Thankfully, we had an intervention by the only member of her family I still respect. He has a great head both for business and friendship. I appreciate the help we received and that he was strong enough to involve himself in our business. And his honest, no BS approach is much better than the drama required by the rest of her family. So he mediated for us and then left. Her and I had our first civil conversation face to face in over two years. It's been good since then; she still has her moments but we're gaining. And I've learned as I act like who I've always been to her, the better off we are. She needs me as her rock and her guiding light. I receive no benefit from her anymore but she gave birth to my kids and that's a life-long gift more precious than any. She's back where it seems she belongs and I'm doing OK too. I still miss her as a companion, a lover, and as my best friend. But it's her role as my kids' mom that I miss her most. Someday the stars will align and hopefully she'll wake up to realize the importance of that role. Until then, we'll get by and I'll continue be the parent; I love my job! The kids are great and she's been spending some consistent time with them. She came to every soccer game of the tournament this weekend, also a nice change. It was nice to see her and again hear her voice cheering from the stands. Whatever the reason for the improvement, I'll take it. Thanks for stopping by; sorry it's been so long.

Father's Day!

I woke up this morning to my alarm, just as I do every other morning. I was lying in bed and had just rolled over, peeling my bed sheet away from my rib cage, due to the new tattoo there. I heard the door to my room move. I looked up and it was closed, not latched, but closed. I said "hello?" and Ky stuck her head in. I asked if she had shut my door and she told me "yes, I was going to get in the shower and didn't want my radio to wake you up." Satisfied with her answer, I rolled back over for a few more minutes sleep. It seemed like I had just blinked when I heard another sound. Startled, I rolled over and sat up to see my babies carrying a cookie sheet with a glass of juice, blueberry toast, and waffles with butter and syrup. Breakfast in bed, provided by my children; 11, 8, and 4 years old. Perhaps I have seen something more beautiful but I don't remember what it is. I sat up and thanked them dearly, then C ran out of the room and came back with my present. I must mention here that Boo made me a footprint on Friday with a poem attached. I had to bring it home before I could read it. We came in the house and I sat on the step to explain why I couldn't read it before then. I started reading it to him and made it nearly through the first paragraph before the tears started rolling down my cheek. Priceless. So several weeks ago, my kids were asking me what I wanted for Father's Day. My biggest prize is getting to wake up with them here but they weren't satisfied with that answer. The next day at work, I got a paper about a Father's Day sale and noticed a couple indoor/outdoor weather stations. I had one at our last house but left it because I didn't want to try and patch the holes in the wall from taking it down. I saved the paper and gave it to the kids and made special mention of the one I liked best. It had a digital image of a boy "Oscar Outlook" who dresses for the weather each day. It also has the indoor and outdoor temperature, date, time, sunrise, sunset, and stage of the moon. I thought the kids could look at Oscar to learn what to expect for the day's weather. I opened the package from my kids and there it was. We got up right away and put it together. C was quite worried because the directions said to put the batteries in the outdoor part, then, within four minutes, put the batteries in the computer. Time flies I guess, especially at 8 years old. We got things done in plenty of time and it works like a charm. Boo even asked "If the weather boy only has shorts on, why do I have to wear a shirt?"

The other part of my weekend was a 3 vs 3 soccer tournament. Ky and I heard about it months ago and had put a team together; quite a group of girls. We ended up with 5; three on the field with two subs. We had practiced a few times just to get used to the field size and the rule changes. At the end of the practice one evening, we started talking about our team name and uniforms. We have 5 on the team but only three were there that night. These girls play terrific soccer together but couldn't decide on anything else in unison that night. Not even a majority vote! I finally suggested, since nobody could decide on a color, we'd just get rainbow tie-dyed shirts. It was a hit! Next was our team name. Again, no consensus. How about a big question mark on the front then? My second suggestion was a hit as well and with that came the idea to name us the "Riddlers." I called my pal Marilyn my embroidery goddess and asked if she could hook us up. She said sure, so Ky and I went over to her shop the next night. She had catalogs waiting for us with shirt options and font styles. A week later (Friday morning) she called and told me she had shirts ready. I went over my lunch hour and picked them up; they were perfect! Our bracket was full with 5 teams registered. I knew three of the others but was lost as to who the last team was. As it turns out, it was the U12 Rushmore Club girls. These girls play the same high level soccer as Ky but are at least one year, some almost two years older. They were our second game on Saturday. Now just to clarify, there are two girls on that team nearly a foot taller than Ky and their smallest girl is still bigger than her; Ky is the tallest girl on her team by inches. These girls are BIG! And they're all quite talented, driven soccer players. We started out and gave up a goal early, then another. I was hoping to make a better showing and just then we knocked one in. Then we scored again. I was ecstatic! The big girls and their parents were still quite cocky but when the final whistle blew and we were ahead 7-5, their mood was quite different. We went undefeated through regular competition yesterday and earned every win. Today's semi-final started with a rematch of our last game of the previous day. The other team was more rested than they had been the night before and we weren't as hungry, we won by three. The big girls were the winner in the other semi-final match just as we were expecting. We played our game first and I watched them play their game next. If they were physical and playing hard the day before, today could only be described as brutal. They won their semi-final game by 11 points against our next toughest competition from the previous day. There was a two hour break and it was time for the final game. I gave a positive pep talk explaining we had beat them the day before and could do it again. The girls seemed willing and were well rested; we took the field and the ref blew the whistle to start the game. Within the first 5 minutes, we were down by 2-0. It seemed our girls were about to quit when Ky blocked a shot, made a long, high pass to one of her tie-dye wearing pals, and she punched it in. We were back in the game. It went back and forth the rest of the game. We got the score tied at two, and they scored again. Half time. With the rain last night and the temperature in the 90's today, it was hot! Our girls were giving all they had and were still down by one. They seemed more than a little discouraged so I did my best to point out how well they were playing and reassured them "you girls are still very much in this." We took the field and within a couple minutes, had the game tied up! With 4 minutes left in the game, Ky again made a beautiful long pass up field to a girl I've nick-named "the ball killer" because she hadn't missed a shot on goal the whole tournament. Two light touches, a beautiful shot, and the ball bounces off the outside of the post.....Score 3-3. The other team takes their goal kick and with a beautifully made series of plays, gets the ball to our end of the field, shoots and they miss! Our turn. We put the ball in play, get in front of their net, shoot across and the ball just misses but we've got a girl in tie-dye waiting there for it, she shoots back across and misses again!!!!! One more chance, across the net, miss, then a light little touch and it goes in. I have tears in my eyes as I sit here typing this. We are up 4-3 and the clock says19 seconds remaining. The big girls kick off, make one pass, take a shot, and it goes way wide. The game is over. The Riddlers are the 3v3 tournament champions going undefeated and earning every bit of it. I have learned to be a little more cautious of the bets I make with my girls. The first time we beat the big girls, I had to do a little dance at center field; for the game today, I got to sing and dance in front of everyone at the awards ceremony. My kids' mother did manage to make it to one game over the weekend and got to see my show yesterday. She commented after the game that she didn't know I could do that; I told her "there's a lot about me you don't know." Happy Father's Day to me! Thanks guys! My pics are the "Riddlers" then C, and Boo at one of the parks by the soccer fields. They were super troopers through a warm soccer weekend and the parks around there and their friends at the fields made the weekend quite acceptable. We've got plans coming up, more on that later. Goodnight!

And I thought I was gaining ground at "making amends."!!!

So tonight I was put to the ultimate test, so far anyway. I was, for the first time, face to face with methy. Literally within three steps. It was good that she wasn't with him; I'm taking baby steps you might say. I was able to maintain my place as the better man, not that it takes much. I'm pretty good but it doesn't take much to be better than him. I have three beautiful children who love me more than anyone in the world; A feeling worth more than most will never know. I owe them and I owe myself; I'm just all around better than that. I love being me! Anyone who's here has certainly read my previous posts as a character reference, this guy is even more a joke in person than in in myth. I had him. I simply walked away (I let him walk away.)

Today's Text Messages

I'm in black, She's in red.

Keep running till u find the truth, we'll be waiting to hear from the one we miss.

I do not love you. I am in love with a man who treats me lika a princess. This is all you. You did this.

U do love me, if you ever truly "move on" you'll be able 2 admit that. Admitting mistakes & making amends is part of that too. Perhaps it's me thats moved on much more than you? I guess theres no question is there. Hmmm

I started leaving you years ago. Your screaming. Your controlling. You have great memories? Well i remember getting left with a car full of kids on the side of the road in the middle of the night. I can still not stand the words shut up because they remind me of you. How about if you ever get fat i will leave you? I am over you. I love my house and my garden. And i love waking up to someone who treats me like i am a princess. He is nice to me. Maybe you should have started there. Its to late. Stop trying. You should have thought about this years ago. Maybe you will treat the next one better. God I hope so.

Sure, I'm the asshole. I'd love to see how anybody else handles what we were dealt. I never quit you Ang. Never. I've learned u tend to get what u give in a relationship & in life. We got stuck in a pattern, abusive both ways if it was, & u quit instead of working. Even the good ones take work, ask around if u know anybody in one. People used 2 ask us, remember? I do have good memories, as do you, it's all about where u choose 2 focus. I choose the good ones.

Who cares? Were divorced! The past is history! I hope you find a great new woman! It will all work out you will see! We were just too young.

And your prince. The one guilty of such instances of disrespect towards you that people won't even share the details because of what I may do to him. The one who refers to you as his "Married Whore." Yep, quite a prince. Keep selling, nobodys buying.

I have no idea what you are talking about. He is incredible, and if you honestly gave him a chance you would know. The man has more friends than anyone I have ever met. My prince? You bet he is. Married whore was actually my line, I started it. And its something we still giggle about. Its ok.

Excuses. I care. I have no desire to meet him. My kids don't like him, nobody else I talk to likes him. Those opinions are good enough for me.

Actually married whore was second. I think dirty whore came first? Anyway whatever.

Just let go. Find someone else and quit worrying about me. I'm happy and you should be too. We have three beautiful kids that we both still get to raise.

Not holding on, we've been through that. I am happy & don't need "somebody" for me to be. I will 4ever worry about you, wish our kids had their parents & that we had each other. The kids deserve better than they got in you but I'll raise them and you'll see them when its convenient same as its been since you left. We'll be great, you'll be you. Call when you need me again, I'll be here.

Are ya done trying to hurt my feelings? does that make ya feel good to put me down?

I can't believe where you've gone. The hole in my heart created by the married whore title is huge. U must b proud, as must ur family. So many friends huh? It shows by the attendance @ ur parties right? What a joke.

Are ya done yet?

I'm hurt more than you, I promise. I'm not putting you down, ur words not mine.

You should really not talk about things you don't know anything about. I hope you find someone even half as amazing as i have. I don't sweat your trash talk. I know what really goes on. I'm golden. Other than the kids, lets quit talking.

Mother's Day 2007

Mother's Day is one of those holiday's that means different things to different people; I've always believed it's a day that one should devote to their own mother. Mine was out of town this year so I did my favorite thing and took my kids on a trip so my daughter could play soccer. I love my kids and doing anything with them is the best way I've come up with to spend my time. This past weekend was a little tricky though, remember, it was Mother's Day. My children were not only scheduled to be with theirs but it's a holiday that I obviously would let her spend with them regardless of schedules. The problem was this soccer tournament in Sheridan, Wyoming. I spoke with their mother several weeks before and as usual, she had no interest and no money. I don't understand the no interest part, and the no money should be re-phrased "no money to spend on doing things with my kids." She has money, maybe not a lot but our salaries are nearly identical. If anything, she makes more than I do so if I can do it, so can she right? Just my thoughts on that. I offered to take Ky and leave the boys with her; she said if I was taking one, I should take them all. Now before I go any further I need to remind you that I am in love with this woman. Well, not really this woman, but a woman that looks much like her but was a decent person. She was a decent mother, a decent wife, and was part of a beautiful family that should still be. I still hope to find her again but where or when I don't know. Is she gone forever, lost in her new dark world? No, someday she will wake up, I just hope it's before she's lying on her death bed. I make it known where I stand, I'm OK with it, and the rest is open to how the story ends. Now back to the new. I gave her an extra day with the kids in the week leading up to the weekend and we left for Sheridan on Friday night.

The trip over was beautiful, no deer in the road so all was good. We checked into our hotel just ahead of another group of girls from Ky's team. We got to our room and the rest of the team was in rooms around us so Ky dropped her bag off and left for a tour with her team mates. The boys and I unpacked some, then went to find the girls. We found them by the lobby and pool and wound things down about 11 o'clock. The next day started with a trip to the drive-thru for breakfast, a driving tour of Sheridan and a practice trip to the fields. The tournament was held at the equestrian center between Sheridan and Big Horn Wyoming. Having been around equestrian events most of my life, my hopes were not high on the facilities we might find. Good horse country doesn't necessarily make for good soccer country. My opinion was forever changed when we stepped out of the car onto fields, equestrian fields, that put any grass in Rapid to shame. It was tight and soft with no hoof prints to be found; the bonus was being right at the foot of the mountains. Beautiful fields, beautiful scenery, and great competition. They played two games Saturday, great soccer under a beautiful Wyoming sky.

When we got back to the hotel I had the kids call their mother for goodnight wishes. My kids miss their mother being part of our "family" trips and this was obvious by their conversations with her that evening. The boys said their usual two second good nights and then it was my daughter's turn. She was on the phone, telling her mother all about the games and the plays she had made and I heard her stop talking, say "what?" then say "oh, that's cool" in a not so thrilled tone. She got off the phone and I asked my usual, "so how is Mom tonight?" They all said "fine" but there was discontent with Ky's response. I waited until the boys were occupied with the TV, and asked if everything was OK. She told me that she was telling her mom about her tournament and her mother's response was "guess what? pukey graduated today!" This was what she answered "oh, that's cool" to earlier on the phone. So picture this; your daughter is playing in an out of state, regional soccer tournament and is telling you all about it. You answer with "this guy I'm dating, whom I know you don't like, graduated from a vocational school today." Just as it sounds, Ky is disappointed. We had a very frank discussion where I got to listen to my daughter vocalize her feelings that her mother's methy boyfriend means more to her than she does. Ky's team shut out everybody they played, not because of easy games, but because of the pure talent and skill of her team. Not only was her mother not there to see it, but she was more excited at the opportunity to have yet another poorly attended party for a bunch of losers than she was about her daughter's activities.

The other half of her team won their division as well, so they played each other in the finals the next afternoon. Sunday morning (Mother's Day) we were up early and I had the kids call their mother first thing. We called several times and went to voicemail each time. Their mother called back later in the day so they got to make their Mother's day wishes to her. Turns out there was a party at her house the night before, I suppose this plays into her not answering her phone that morning. We drove back to Rapid City under beautiful, partly cloudy skies with great memories of another wonderful weekend in Wyoming. I'm a little biased, but is there any other kind of Wyoming weekend? The kids fell asleep on the way home and I got to discover another "only a parent would notice" kind of thing. As the kids were sleeping, their breathing was about half a breath apart, making a little chorus of children breathing as a back drop to the scenery. It was a beautiful combination.

That's how my kids and I spent Mother's Day 2007. And how their mother chose to spend hers. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did; priorities I guess! My picture is Ky on the field at the foot of the mountains.

Here we go.....Again

As everyone knows, life is a constant roller coaster ride of ups and downs, highs and lows, goods and bads. The combination of these even out over time for most people and I am no different. The problem arises when the good and bad happen at the same time; to be so happy and so sad at the exact same moment is a hard emotion to deal with. I survived, and the sun came up again today, even through the rain, so I guess it's ok and part of the bigger plan. And as is often the case with me, I learned a new song at just the right moment, quite by chance. It makes sense to me so I'll pass it on.

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Somethin' from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singin'
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love anyway

The Things You Learn

One can leave Rapid City and fly non-stop to Las Vegas.

Allegiant Air flies big planes at reasonable prices.

A drink is expensive on an airplane.

A drink in Las Vegas can be obtained in two ways; purchased or comped during gambling. Either way, drinks in Las Vegas are more expensive than on the airplane.

You can lose $500.00 at a craps table in less than an hour.

You can win$1000.00 playing roulette in less than 30 seconds.

If you go to Las Vegas for a week, you will miss your kids. (I could re-phrase that I suppose)

I will not take another out of state vacation without my children. (that fits me better)

Water has more pressure and drains faster on the second floor than on the 24th.

The view of the Las Vegas strip from the 24th floor more than makes up for the slow sink and lower water pressure.

The monorail is a good thing, better if you use the coupons.

The restaurant at the needle of the Stratosphere is a long way up in the air and it rotates. The food is expensive, reservations are required, both of which are worth it for the service and the view.

Renting a Harley while in Las Vegas is worth the money.

Riding a Harley through the high desert between Las Vegas and Laughlin is plenty long enough to get a really bad sun burn.

Unlike Sturgis, if you want a River Run t-shirt from Laughlin, two weeks in not close enough.

In leaving Las Vegas Nevada, there are many ways to get to Palm Springs California.

Lake Havasu in Arizona is bigger than you think.

The London Bridge looks fine in Arizona.

65 doesn't necessarily mean 65.

A 2007 Electra-Glide is quite comfortable at 100 miles per hour.

Hoover Dam is big.

The Lake it created is bigger.

Riding a Harley down Las Vegas Boulevard is even better than I expected.

There are many people in Desert Center California who know Ruby Christian.

There several reasons that my Gram goes there for the winter.

A week is not enough time to do everything you want to do in Las Vegas.

The roller coaster at New York, New York is well worth $12.50 per ride and it's bigger than you think.

A bar on the Las Vegas Strip with dueling pianos is a fun place to hang out.

Margaritaville becomes even more fun when they play the song.

32 degrees at the MGM Grand is the best place to get a margarita.

Hart & Huntington Tattoo Company looks just like it does on T.V.

The Tangerine club at Treasure Island is very loud.

Coyote Ugly at New York, New York is very loud too.

Both are worth it.

The t-shirts at Juicy Couture cost more than I will spend on a t-shirt, regardless of how fitting the gift would be.

Free slot play is exactly that, winning costs extra.

M&M World is three stories tall.

There are a lot of colors of M&M's.

F.A.O. Schwarz is bigger than M&M World.

A moving statue is cool to see.

The water jets at the Bellagio are quite capable of "going big."

The light on top of the Luxor is very bright.

There are not as many doormen or restroom attendants in Las Vegas as one might expect.

Hypnosis Gone Wild should be cited for false advertising.

Zumanity is worth $80.00 per ticket.

Vacation schedules are not announced or advertised for Cirque du Soleil shows.

The signs, casinos, hotels, and everything else in Las Vegas are bigger than they look on T.V.

Double Down, Always.

I've wanted to go to Vegas for a long time and in fact planned different trips in my past. Although this isn't how I originally planned it, I'm glad I went.

I will go back to Las Vegas, Thanks Kady.