Wasting my time!

I am the man who was married to the one who calls herself "msmayhem". It is remarkable how well this title fits the new "her". A few definitions for the word are as follows.

Mayhem:

1. Law. The offense of willfully maiming or crippling a person.
Infliction of violent injury on a person or thing; wanton destruction.
2. A state of violent disorder or riotous confusion; havoc.
3. Violent and needless disturbance.

The problem with this, is that she was a mother to the 3 most beautiful children in the world, and had the fairy tale at her fingertips. In 1996, she could have been just another statistic, pregnant in high school, bad childhood, from a divorced home, but her partner in that pregnancy was me. Her father took his girlfriends side over hers in an argument one night, and she moved into my parents house the next day. We soon found a little rental house of our own, I worked to support us, she went on to finish high school. I came home from work one night, and she was sitting on the couch in tears. Her period was late. I went to the store, bought a pregnancy test, and brought it home. She took it, Positive. "What will we do?" she said, I told her we would handle it, everything will be alright. I have always been her rock, and her soft place to fall, always there no matter how tough things got.

This continued until the 30th of September 2005, I was lied to for the last time on the 29th. She had been on the phone with her meth-head, on parole boyfriend, and lied to me when she got home late. She then sat up all night sending him text messages, and asked me for a divorce the next morning. I got the cell phone bill a week later confirming the phone calls and text messages. This is the boy she went to bed with, weeks or perhaps days later, it's sad that she couldn't even wait until we were divorced. I have referred to her as a whore, and although this word fits her, "adulteress" fits even better. It was enough that she admitted sleeping with this piece of trash to me, but it really sealed the deal when she admitted it if front of the counselor that was doing our divorce mediation. I went to my attorney, and said that the only thing I really wanted from her as my legal counsel, was to list adultery as the grounds for this divorce. She said that "she could list it, but if my ex argued, it can be hard to prove". I said " she admitted it to our mediator" and my attorney said "that'll do it". One of the reasons that my ex gave for wanting to leave, is that I don't trust her. Having been lied to so often, especially the very night before being asked for the divorce, this seems a little ironic. Trust is something that takes a long time to build, and an extremely short time to destroy. It is really too bad that she allowed others to do her thinking for her. Also too bad that she gave up, for what seems to be the need for a second childhood.

I will be the first to admit that our marriage wasn't candle light and roses every night, but there was always more good than bad. If she would have put the kind of effort into saving our marriage that she put into ending it, we would be one of the strongest couples on earth. I would have given anything, done anything to save this marriage, and I have made this absolutely clear to her. If it hurts so bad to end it, perhaps it should be a sign that we are going the wrong way. She plays a good game, something we are both quite good at, but she, like me is hurting terribly inside. I took care of this woman, and put up with stuff from her that nobody should, they say "love is blind" I agree. Amazing what one will put up with when you have somebody that you believe to be "the one". However, Lies breed lies, and I learned this lesson the hard way. I feel that truth is one of the biggest building blocks in any relationship, and if you don't have this, it is hard to keep the relationship upright. She has always had trouble telling the truth, from the "little white" ones, to the "I slept with one of your best friends while we were fighting" ones. I don't know why this is, but it is the principle reason for trouble in our marriage.

The good part is that I am a better father, a better son, a better brother, and a better friend because of this. Seeing the way she walked away from her kids has made me that much more attentive and caring towards them. I have always been their primary parent, but now it seems that I am their only parent. She has skipped days with them, told them she would come take them to supper, and not showed up, and chosen new years parties over a weekend with them. Now that she has quit her job, she has my kids some, but they seem to really get in the way of her plans. I hope she hides this better from them than she does from the rest of the world. This is the "mayhem" that my kids and I see on a daily basis. I hope it is worth it to her.

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