Man I love my kids! I simply can not get enough of them, and every time I drop
them off for their days with their mother, I get absolutely irate with her all
over again. What type of parent that truly loves their kids leaves the
relationship that allows them to be with their children every day? I don’t
understand this, the only reasons that I can come up with for her are pure
selfishness, and a deep desire to hurt me. She has always been selfish, but I
never thought it went to this extent, to actually say to herself "I only want
to be able to see my children 50% of their lives, only experience half of what
they do" or "every other Christmas is ok with me," this just doesn’t seem like
acceptable parenting to me! She knows this, and that it cuts me to the core to
lose any time with them at all. Some people get divorced, and continue to have
a civil relationship; I am not now, nor will I ever be that type of divorcee. I
will never let my kids see our negative interactions, I will never allow them
to hate their mother, but I will not be her friend ever again. We had a good
marriage, and my ex-wife and I together were good parents, we complimented each
other well. The key here is together. The kids seem like an inconvenience to
her now, of the time the kids are with me, they are lucky to get a bed time
phone call half of the time. Maybe this is part of her reasoning, she is only
physically responsible for them a little less than half of the time, and only
has to check in on them half of the time she doesn’t have them, so really she
is only a 25% parent; great I guess, this leaves lots more time for just her!
Yeah!

I just don’t get it! Well I kinda get it I guess, she is in it for her, and
only her. If I can remember this, I will be able to take some of the surprise
out of her future actions. Every bit of research says that children do better
throughout their entire life if they come from a home where their mother is
married to their father. This not only relates to academic performance and
extracurricular activities, but also to their own relationships; the percentage
of children of divorced parents who themselves end up divorced is astronomical!
My children deserve a better chance than this. Divorce is simply out of control
in this country. I never felt that I would be part of this statistic; I hope
that even though their mother made a joke of her wedding vows, and broke every
promise that she made that day, my kids will find love, and stay in it. I
should have looked at things more seriously, my wife, at our wedding reception,
was the most under-dressed person there. She had her dress on for about half an
hour, then went and changed into cut-off jean shorts, and a t-shirt. She always
thought this was a funny story to tell, but it always bothered me, I mean
really, she was the bride, and it was too much for her to keep her dress on for
our reception? I am disappointed that I have wasted my love and affection on
her for the last 14 years, but even more upset that she is willing to do so
much damage to the kids. Again - Selfish!

I hope she can deal with it when she opens her eyes and realizes
the pain she has caused to so many people; and with nothing more than what she had
for reasons, this will be a very hard pill to swallow.

Another Day

So we're winding down another weekend at our house. It started out poorly, Ms.M and I have been talking some about a reconciliation, let me rephrase that- She started the process, said that she wanted to try this, and I have been doing some talking some. She has been playing me. I am admittedly a sucker, willing to do most anything to keep my family together. It seems that when she needs something from me, I am good enough to talk to, but once I give it to her, she no longer has any interest. We got our tax return Friday, I sent her a text message and asked her to meet me for lunch to split it up, but never heard anything back. But when I left my office for lunch, she called me to ask how I was going to arrange to get her money to her. I asked why she couldn't have sent me a text message back and met me for lunch? She said that she was too busy, and again what I was going to do to get her money to her. I finally said that I was on my way home home to take care of my puppy, and that she could meet me there. Now, even though she was too busy, and couldn't meet me for lunch, she immediately said ok to meeting me at my house. Maybe it was because it is so much closer than any restaurant? Nope, actually my house is probably further away from her work than any restaurant in town, but whatever. So I get home, get the pup, and take him outside to play, and potty. We wander around a little, work on some manners and puppy school, and pretty soon, it is time for me to get back to work. I look up both streets, and no Ms.M in sight, I have to get back to work, so I leave and call her on the way. Turns out she got hung up by a passing train, I apologized, but said I needed to get back to work. This was of course a huge problem for her, she needs that money! So I agree to meet her on my way back to work, this is going to make me late, but I agree anyway. I meet her, get in her car, get my receipt signed, and call the bank to transfer funds into her account. I suggest several times that we use this time to talk about "us" but she again has no time. I say ok, and leave to get back to work. She called me after work to tell me about all the banking she was able to do since I put the money in her account, now remember, I have been paying all of the bills since December, but she was proud just the same. By this time, I had C with me, and was on my way to get Boo from daycare, she was on her way to pay the daycare provider; again, she had money. So, we are going the same place, I will have my kids, so I suggest we have supper together. She "doesn't think that is a great idea at this point" so I said ok, and hung up. At this point, C says from the back seat, "so we are going to have supper with our whole family?" I unfortunately have to tell him her answer, he says "why?" I don't know what to say, so I just tell him it didn't work out. I have already admitted to being a sucker, I want to save my family, but am tired of being the only one trying to save it. She has done much more wrong than I, and has done nothing sincere to try to help make amends or make things better. I wish this was different, but I cannot change her. Oh well, enough negative about a negative.

The kids and I had a great time this weekend. Friday Ky stayed the night with a friend; I hate not having her around, but I also realize she needs her social life. The boys and I went to the movie store, picked out some flicks, and had a boys night. Popcorn, soda, and a late night watching kids movies; what more could a daddy ask for? Saturday morning we slept in, for my boys and I, this is 7-ish. We worked around the house, cleaning and doing laundry, then had some boys game time. C really likes to play board games, and Boo is getting old enough to have his own player on the board. A couple big games of "Sorry" then we ordered pizza, and had a picnic on the floor. Ky got home early that afternoon, and we went shopping. Hobby Lobby, Pier 1, then the mall. JCPenny for some work clothes, not great fun, but necessary, then off to Hot Topic, Journey's, and up to the Pretzel Maker for a snack. We got home a little late, I got the boys in bed, and then Kylee and I spent two hours just sitting and talking, some of the best time and conversation we have ever had. She is truly her daddy's girl, and it makes me both very sad and very proud to watch as she grows into such a beautiful, smart, capable, young lady. I think she is a little too grown-up for her age, but dealing with her life lately, I don't know what else to expect from her. She tells me "I just take it as it comes."

Today we started with church, something I have always felt we should do more of, and today the kids and I decided that we will go every Sunday that they are with me. Nice service, and nice to see so many people from the church I grew up in. We went out for breakfast afterwards, and called UA to join us, also ran into another great old friend of mine there. Good food, great company. We left Perkins, and went to Wal-Mart, believe it or not, a very busy place on a Sunday afternoon, Duh! Anyway got a bunch of stuff we needed, and also found a new BBQ grill. Very nice grill, good price, but I'm unimpressed that I had to buy a new one; I had a nice grill, but it left me in the divorce. Great that she got it, the only time she ever used it, she caught the damn thing on fire! Oh, no more negative right? So I get this grill to the front of the store, pay for it, and then realize that it probably won't fit in my car, another Duh!. So I call UA again, he is actually on his way there anyway. He picks up the grill, and brings it to my house, quite a story here, we talk about it as we are carrying it up the stairs. The last grill I bought (the one I spoke about above) he picked up also, brought it to my house and helped me carry it up the stairs. Then when Ms.M left and decided she wanted that grill, he helped me carry it down the stairs for her to pick up. Anyway, we get it out on the deck, and spend some quality time together assembling it. Great fun for the boys too, lots of Styrofoam to play with, and Ky got some alone time with her computer and email. I put together a good supper, stroganoff with potatoes, green beans, and cottage cheese. The super great ending was after supper when Boo brought his "once upon a potty" book to UA and asked him to read it. Of course, he did, and to hear not only Boo, but C and Ky laughing as he read about body parts and what they do was priceless. If you haven't read the book, it would be worth a trip to the book store just to be able to picture him reading it! Priceless! Thanks Man!

Anyway, Grey's Anatomy and more laundry to close the night, and back to the race tomorrow.


X

What would you expect me to deal with?

Here is a short list of what I am expected to deal with, if I want to salvage my relationship with ms.mayhem. I will deal with this, my relationship with my kids' mom is what I want, more than anything in the world.

She left me, dead cold, out of the blue. She used me not trusting her as a reason. Fine, except she has told me as many lies as truths over the last 14 years. The most recent being the night before she asked for the divorce. Trust is hard to earn, and easy to lose. Her lie the night before involved a 30 minute phone conversation, and 49 text messages from 11pm till 4:30 am. "He was just trying to help though," I don't know how to show sarcasm in type, but the last sentence is meant to be very sarcastic.

She left my kids. Sometimes I had them six days a week, I was happy to take them, but still very unfair to them. You wanna fight? Come get me, anytime, anywhere. You wanna die? Hurt my kids in any way.

She quit her job, and gave up all financial responsibility. I filled in, with less than half the salary, I still managed to pay the bills, mine, hers, and ours.

She broke every promise she ever made. This is a small one, but still something I have to deal with. When she left me, she had nowhere else to go, so we shared my house. Every other day we stayed here. The only rule we agreed on was that there would be nobody in the house except family. Ky had a soccer tournament in Gillette, WY one weekend; of course Ms. Wasn't taking her, she wasn't even going to go, even though it was her weekend with the kids. I took all three of my kids, I would have gone anyway, but since she wasn't going, they rode with me. There was a concert here that weekend, in fact, I had tickets to. I had purchased these tickets months in advance, planning to go with my wife. I got home Sunday afternoon, and noticed a garbage can full of beer bottles, I called her, asked about them, and she told me that she had some people over before the concert. I asked who? She told me, it was two guys.

Sometimes she is lonely. She has told me that she has spent several nights in bed with different guys. Sometimes she stays at their house, sometimes they stay at hers. They never take their clothes off or anything, (sure) it's just nice to have someone in bed with you.

Many, many times she has posted blogs to her site talking shit about me?

She has called and talked to most of her ex-boyfriends, including the creme de' la' creme; piece of shit! She did this because she can.

She had sex with another guy, this is ok though, it was just sex. I do not say this on a feeling or a hunch, this is something that she told me. Great guy too, meth head, and two time ex-convict.

This is fair, I expect the same from her. Since she left me, since she told me over 100 times that she wasn't ever coming home, that I should move on, I have done many things that require her acceptance too. Here is the list.

I kissed a girl.






Yep, that's the end of the list.

Sorry to disappoint, but There's nothing else. Fair huh?


X

The most important things in life are......

I believe it's my kids! My son was at his mother's house three weeks ago, unsupervised as usual, and while climbing a fence, slipped and tore the skin off his fingers from his palms to his second knuckles. This has prevented him from wrestling since then. He decided Friday night that he wanted to wrestle in a tournament Saturday, so we did. We went to the gym, weighed in, went to McDonald's for breakfast, and went back to the gym to wait for wrestling to start. The kids talked to their mother Friday night, and when C said he was wrestling Saturday, she wanted to know all about it. She called again Saturday morning to find out what time wrestling started. He wrestled once, waited for their mother, wrestled again, waited for their mother, wrestled a third time, and still she hadn't showed up. As we were leaving the tournament to go to his birthday party, she called, evidently she is going on a fishing trip today instead. This is especially interesting to me, I have taken the kids to the lake boating and fishing several times, and she always found a reason to stay home. She never liked to go do things like that before, I can think of two reasons for this (1) There was responsibility when taking the family to do things and (2) There was nobody new to impress. Whatever her reasons, the kids were disappointed by her, as they usually are.

I was thinking about how lucky my kids and my ex are that I am not so selfish, like she is. I see her taking care of her, and only her, regardless of the damage done to anyone else. I could have chosen to do this at many different times in my life. One example would have been when I found out that she was pregnant. What if I had just decided, like a lot of guys do, and like she did recently, that I didn't want to spend my life that way? I could have left her, moved away, and who knows where I might be right now! I have many, many regrets about staying with her, but my children make them all worth it. In some ways, I may be in a better place if I had left, but where would my Ky be? This is not a question I was willing to leave to chance. Not to mention, I wouldn't have my boys.

Although we missed her, we had a terrific weekend. We started Friday watching the opening ceremonies for the winter Olympics. Saturday morning took us to the wrestling tournament, and Saturday afternoon, we had C's birthday party. This was a good lesson for me. We had a room at the Ramkota so we could use their new water park, I thought 5 guests was a good number. I was surprised when all of the parents that were dropping off their kids said "you are doing this alone?" It didn't take very many minutes in the pool to figure out that I had really taken on a full load here. Six - 7 year olds along with one - 3 year old is a lot of responsibility, and a lot of movement to watch in any pool, much less one as busy as the Ramkota was. Also, 7 year old boys in swim suits all look the same, so to decipher which six were mine kept my eyes busy constantly. We were in the pool and water slides for 2 1/2 hours, then went to the room for pizza, cake, and gifts. The pizza didn't show up until after most of the guests had gone home (Domino's was really busy) so some just had cake for supper. This, along with one fat lip, and one bloody nose, caused by some boys climbing up the water slide while others were coming down, were the only problems we had. I am proud that we got through it so well, and very pleased with the outcome. C said he had a great time, and Boo said "that swimmin' at that swimmin' pool was really fun." I feel that families should work on their problems to stay together, it's too bad that some people give up so easily. I love to spend time doing things with my kids; its too bad I can't keep them with me all the time. Maybe I'll work on that.

Thanks UA for stopping by, you were huge!

X

New Song

Ok, so the song isn't new, but it's new to my site! Some songs tell good stories; good or bad I guess sometimes it depends which side of the story you're on. Have a great day, and a good weekend. See some of you Saturday!

X

City girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich old man
And she won't have to worry
She'll dress up all in lace and go in style

Late at night a big old house gets lonely
I guess ev'ry form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her love is
Only given to a man with hands as cold as ice

So she tells him she must go out for the evening
To comfort an old friend who's feelin' down
But he knows where she's goin' as she's leavin'
She is headed for the cheatin' side of town

You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin eyes

On the other side of town a boy is waiting
with fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal
She drives on through the nice anticipating
'Cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel

She rushes to his arms,
They fall together
She whispers that it's only for awhile
She swears that soon she'll be comin' back forever
She pulls away and leaves him with a smile

You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide you lyin' eyes

She gets up and pours herself a strong one
And stares out at the stars up in the sky
Another night, it's gonna be a long one
She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry

She wonders how it ever got this crazy
She thinks about a boy she knew in school
Did she get tired or did she just get lazy?
She's so far gone she feels just like a fool

My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be

You can't hide your lyin eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
Honey, you can't hide your lyin' eyes

I am....

Why do I cry over something that is so far gone? The answer is simple, when I commit to something, I give 100%. My love is no different. This song takes me back to when I knew my wife. She was diagnosed with cancer, but had surgery instead of Chemo and Radiation. I still cry every time I hear the song, and I'm sure I will for a long time. This is ok - I am true, I am human, I am healing.

X

Sarah Beth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well
Since the day that she fell
And the bruise, it just won't go away
So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad
and Flips through an old magazine
Til the nurse with the smile
Stands at the door
And says will you please come with me

Sarah Beth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten it won't come back again
With the therapy were gonna try
It's just been approved
It's the strongest there is
I think we caught it in time

Sarah Beth closes her eyes
and She dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair

Sarah Beth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake
For someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom

For, just this morning right there on her pillow
Was the cruellest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny

Sarah Beth closes her eyes
and She dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
and her very first love was holding her close
and the soft wind is blowing her hair

It's quarter to seven
That boy's at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this morning where his hair had been
Softly, she touches just skin

They go dancing around and around
Without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
For a moment she isn't scared...