Here I sit, it is ok
I sit alone, either every two nights, or every other weekend. I hate that my kids are gone, but I don't mind Ms.M not being here. I miss the physical; the kiss that is better than any other kiss, the body that fits mine like it was painted there. But I do not miss the lies and the games. She took that kiss, that body that I loved so much, stretch marks and all, and gave it to someone else. She had sex with meth-head trash, the same trash as most of her friends have had sex with, I hope she feels very special. I gave my best effort, evidently not good enough, too much wrong. I guess taking her bad against my good doesn't measure up. Too bad really, we had it all. The perfect family to live through anything right? No! Quitting is a much better solution, it reduces responsibility, and allows more time for "her!" How, I wonder, does she live with this? Oh well, her reasons are her reasons, and she is the only one that matters right?
Selfish is the best fit that I can come up with!
X
posted by exmayhem @ 1:28 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I try to not choose sides when I read the synopsis that the two of you post on your blog. I try to remain silent, I try to realize that the two of you are dealing with your marital issues in a public place and even tho, I still should remain neutral - it is difficult to not have an opinion, and most of the time I do, but I never voice them, as I feel it is not my place. If the two of you want to continue this bantering for all to read, then maybe just maybe, somebody should step in and say 1st of all - your poor fuckin children!!! This is very adult and very healthy, with the blame game and name calling - way to be the bigger person!! (REally I mean that, both of you, WAY TO GO!) Second, I more than anybody understand your dismay about the marriage ending. i didn't want to see it happen! but healthy good marriage? Come on, let's atleast be honest - you call your wife a liar on here atleast once in every entry and then you want to say the marriage was good. You say that all along you were the one who took all of the responsibilty and your wife wasn't much of a member of the household team and now you say you do so much? You say that you were willing to do anything to save your marriage - I personally remember having several conversations with you where you wouldn't give one inch - FUCK HER that is what you said! I will not go to counseling, I will not change my opinion, I have drawn my line in the sand ( I saw it, I saw you do it) Finally, how could you not recognize that your wife was a raging alcoholic and needed help? You made fun of her and laughed about it - you wanted her to be more of a fuck up than you! So that you could do exactly what you have been doing on this blog - degrading her, saying she is trash and making yourself to be the better person - if your wife is in fact trash, then it is only because you talked to her like she was for so long that she began to believe it. You ruined her self esteem! I've never even seen people talk to their animals in such a degrading manner as you talked to her on a daily basis your entire marriage. I heard it everywhere I went! I had people asking me for YEARS why she stayed with you after they heard how you talked to her.
Mental abuse is still abuse - believe it or not, it is!
I'm sure this comment will get erased but if you were smart, you would delete all of these comments and spend your time doing something healthy like making yourself better instead of talking about how great you are.
There were 4 times, that I personally have knowledge of that you and you alone could have saved your marriage (maybe you didn't know your marriage was in jeopardy at the time, but again, how could you not) you chose yourself in those instances - you chose yourself! Your wife is a liar, she is trash, her friends are trash, she is selfish, she is a whore, she is not worthy of you, she is unwilling, she is all of what you say . . . you are a tremendous father, a great rolemodel, a leader for your kids, a hard working man who is just heartbroken about being a statistic. Well - it's your story I guess, and a good one it is, and if I didn't know the parties, I'd say you put up a pretty good front.
Best of luck to you and your virtuous blog - perhaps some real virtue will find you and be yours when you can be set free of your guilt for your wrongs and admit some of this to yourself . . . til then, I'l patiently read these ridiculous blogs in which you demean each other and I'l hope for the best for your kids./.
AMEN! Thanks for saying everything that I have been thinking.
Wow, I really need to respond to that, but for now I will say I wish you had the courage to put a name with all of these thoughts.
Both of you!
do you really want her back? Would you get back together if given the option? It seems that you love to say so much about how you two need to be together, but in all honesty, is that what you want? I'm just curious.
Also, I'm curious about one other statement. You responded to whoever anon is by saying that you would have no problem with Ky reading the blog, yet in the same post you said that you would never want the kids to think of their mom negatively. Those don't seem to go together.
I'm not there, and I don't know all the details, so I can't respond to the others' comments. I do know, however, that divorce is rarely one sided. You may not be dealing as poorly as she initially was after the split, but that doesn't make you innocent before. You always start everything with the night before she left you. But I can guess that more time than that led to this. I think divorce is a sucky option, and agree that it's not best for the kids. But an amicable relationship between parents is definitely better than the bitterness that is there now for your children's well being.
Like I said, I'm not there. I'm also not questioning if you're a great dad. I just think you're fooling yourself about the reasons behind the divorce.
I wish both of you happiness, I hope eventually you both find it.
You have already chosen a side. If you did not attempt to help save this marriage, then you helped destroy it. I do agree, my poor children, to have to grow up in two separate homes because their mother chose to leave, regress to the behavior of a teenager, and have an affair. That is what happened; there is one person responsible for her actions, and it is her. Absolutely I am the bigger person and have been throughout this whole ordeal, any name-calling, though immature, has been done either on my blog, or well out of my children’s sight and earshot. It is unfortunate that if you didn’t want to see this marriage end, you not try to help save it. I did have a good marriage, better than any that I know of in fact. I don’t think it is fair to say what I do now had an effect on my marriage then. My wife is a liar; I don’t know why, but that is one constant, she lies. I am not sure about the responsibility that you say I took, I have taken responsibility for my wrongs during our marriage, I have taken responsibility for my children, I have taken responsibility for my ex-wife’s financial obligations, is this the responsibility that you speak of? My ex-wife wasn’t much of a team member, and yes, I do, do so much, I always have. I was willing to do anything to save my marriage, even after she left, even after she had an affair, even after she did all that she did, I was still willing. Please give me the details on the conversations where I wouldn’t give an inch, where I said FUCK HER. I (we) actually did go to counseling, I made the appointments for us, and I went and gave it everything I had. It helped, and I wish we had searched for a counselor that would have been a better match for us. The down side was that she would not give anything at all, my opinion on therapists is: they can’t help you to not jump off the bridge if you don’t tell them that you want to jump. My ex-wife would not open up, and in fact after we went to counseling, when we would have a fight, she would use the things that I had opened up about against me. Finally I get to comment on a correct statement- you are correct, in the middle of an argument, I am not capable of changing my opinion. If I can take some time away to think, I do have many changes of opinion, but in the middle of a fight, sorry, can’t do it. I do not feel like my wife was a raging alcoholic when she was living with me. I also do not feel like it was my place to make that judgment, she did bring it up to me one time, and that very day I went to the AA building and bought her the AA bible, and a 12 step handbook. I told her that if this was what she thought she needed to do, that I would stand behind her 100%. When jokes were made about her drinking, she made them, and although you did not have the courage to sign your name to this comment, you must have been around, and if that is the case, you laughed too. Isn’t it convenient how good your vision is looking back, funny how hindsight is always 20/20. I never wanted my wife to be a “fuck up” as you say, and to be more than a fuck up than me? I thought you weren’t taking sides? As I said, my words now have nothing to do with my marriage then. You can think whatever you want about how degrading I was, how abusive I was, whatever. I know and have admitted that I made several mistakes in my marriage, but I am not the only one that made them. These mistakes could have been fixed, behaviors changed if there were ever two willing parties; she was simply never willing. I know that there was much more good than bad in my marriage, if you choose to focus on the negative, that is all you will see. I find it interesting that you say if she is trash, it is because I made her that way. I think she had been in a poor spot before we started dating, and I think she is in a poor spot now, seems to me like the best things she ever did, she did with me. If there is blame for ruining her self-esteem, I would look further back in her life, maybe her parent’s divorce had something to do with it. This is just like when she said to me one time after she left that the only reason she started physical fights with me was because I taught her how. The problem with that line then is the same problem with your line now; I knew her before we got together, she had physical fights with boyfriends before me, and she had esteem problems before me too. If anything I helped improve both of these, she hit me and I never hit her back, I complimented her and told her I loved her every single day. Some people give too much, some people take too much, she is a taker and it wouldn’t have mattered how much I gave, it would have never been enough. I was not, and am not this big bad guy; I was a better husband than she was a wife, she quit, and stayed gone because she is too selfish to give for anyone else but her. I could comment on things that I heard everywhere I went too, reasons that I shouldn’t have stayed with her, the problem is that it was nobody else’s relationship, we both put up with things from each other that perhaps different people would not have. I will not erase this comment, or any other; I am smart, and I am doing lots of things to make myself better, I do not see myself as great, not yet, and I don’t believe that I have ever said that here. There were 4 times that I alone could have saved my marriage? I chose myself? I know for certain that one person cannot save a marriage, but again, please, please share, refresh my memory. I did NOT know that my marriage was in jeopardy, I had a birthday party nine days before my wife left, at which point she was telling everyone there about how she was going to get my name tattooed on her hip. Is this your 20/20 hindsight again, or did you know my marriage was in jeopardy? If you did know, why again did you not tell me? She never told me, you never told me, nobody ever told me, but I was supposed to know? HOW!!! Every marriage has it’s ups and downs, there were many times that I was quite unhappy with my ex-wife, however, if I was ever unhappy enough to leave my marriage, I would have made this absolutely black and white crystal clear to her. If you continue to do xyz, I will no longer be able to stay married to you. The problem is that she never felt this way, and certainly never communicated it. She was coached into leaving, and supported for doing so, thank you all for whatever part you played. Yes my wife is a liar, trash maybe, some of her friends are also very dear friends of mine, but absolutely yes some are trash and some are worse, selfish yes, a whore? by her own actions, again yes. She was certainly worthy of me; we were meant for each other, soul mates in fact, unwilling? again by her own actions, yes. If there is any sarcasm in your statement about my being a tremendous father, I suggest you ask my kids, my co-workers, my friends, my ex-wife’s friends, my ex-wife, you ask anyone you want, I am not perfect, but I have always been a great dad, and I am an even better dad since my ex-wife left. I think I am a good role model and leader for my kids, I am a hardworking man who is heartbroken about my ex-wife leaving, this is not a front, it is a true story. I am on a constant quest for the virtue you speak of; and I do hope to be set free of the guilt I feel over several things in my life. I have admitted my wrongs to myself, to my ex-wife, and to anyone that has read my blog. Again, I made many, many mistakes; mistakes that I will never make again, but I was never allowed to know them, or given a chance to fix them while still married to my ex-wife. I must say again, it is so nice that you don’t take sides. Thank you for your wishes for my children, thank you for stopping, and for leaving a comment. It has truly given me a chance to look back through some things, admit again that I was not perfect or blameless in the problems of my marriage, but also that I have and still am doing things right.
X
Well I guess as long as you feel good about yourself and you got the last word and you feel like the better man, then tra la la.
Hi S,
Lots of curiosity today huh?
I did absolutely want her back. I would have, and did jump at the option. The problem is that when she gave me the option, it was only a game and as soon as I committed to working things out, she would back out again. I would guess that this has happened maybe five times since September. I cannot keep playing that game, I invest too much heart, forgive too much, and then get kicked in the face all over again.
I wish I knew who anon is, there are several of them it seems. I think it is a little chicken-shit to come on here, leave comments, and not sign their name to it. Oh well, on to your next question. I would be ok if Ky read my blog, I will never show it to her, but if it happened, we would deal with it. I said I would not allow my children to hate her. They form their own opinions, good or bad, but they will always need to say they love her around me, even if they are unhappy with her at the time.
I am absolutely not innocent, but I had no knowledge that it was so bad, I don’t think she knew it either. There was always more good than bad in our marriage, and if I had been given the chance, if she had wanted to fix it instead of quitting it, it would have been even better. I like your word- divorce is a Sucky option. The relationship I have with her, as separate people, will never be amicable; there is too much hurt and no positives to look forward to, but I don’t share my negative feelings towards her with my kids.
Thank you, I am a great dad. As far as fooling myself, I don’t even have that option. I have never gotten a reason for the divorce.
I hope all is well in KS, thanks for your well wishes, I hope so too.
C (oops, I mean X)
I hope time heals more than you think it will.
I wish Amy could have left her name too!!
Kind of an old post to be commenting on, but thanks for stopping anyway. Amy who, and what should she have left her name to? Yet another question to another anonymous visitor. Hopefully one day there will be answers.
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